Idgie (feenietime) wrote,

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Not that anyone is interested, but... turns out that after years and years of not knowing what's wrong with me and possibly being misdiagnosed with panic disorder, the true cause may have been found!

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome

My mom and I found it. I don't do any health reading on my own anymore, for obvious reasons. That article describes the way I feel--the way I've BEEN feeling since I was about 7 or 8 years old--to the letter. Obviously, I don't know for sure if that's what it is and I won't know until I talk to my doctor, but it certainly sounds like it. Gosh, it would be so nice to put a real name to what's wrong with me... Panic disorder never seemed right, because of all the physical symptoms I have, regardless of my mental state. It would be nice to know that I'm not crazy. Not that I think anyone with any type of anxiety disorder is crazy... but I PERSONALLY felt crazy since no one would take me seriously. It's like, I would feel terrible, but my doctor would just smile at me and hand me a prescription for Xanax, Valium, Zoloft, Prozac... and it made me want to SCREAM, "IT'S NOT IN MY HEAD, YOU IDIOT!" Which made me really defensive... and very closed off, to the point that I never wanted to mention when I have symptoms because I was afraid people would just roll their eyes at me and go, "Oh, it's just her panic disorder acting up again..."

Don't know why I'm speaking in past tense, as I still feel that way.

Lack of sleep is killing my brain...

But oh my goodness, it was so nice to find something that described the way I feel all the time... It talks about all the things I have problems with, from from my rapid heart beat and dizziness when standing, my battle with intestinal problems, my varying blood pressure, my very low tolerance to medications, my spiked adrenaline at night, my bouts of insomnia (which I'm currently experiencing... grr), to the common misdiagnoses of panic disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, and MVP.

If this is, indeed, what I'm suffering from, then maybe I can find a specialist and then find the underlying cause (which could be diabetes, as it does run in my family and it is one of the causes of POTS... but I can deal with that, as long as I KNOW WHAT IT IS and it can be TAKEN CARE OF) and then I won't feel so freaking crazy all the time and I can relax and lead a normal life... wow, that would be so wonderful.

So, back to the doctor for me, soon. I know it's an odd request, but... help me hope that this is what's wrong? If only so I can finally know what it is.
Tags: health

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